Cigarettes 186 thru 208

This is not going as expected. I haven't quit, and I question even bothering to keep a blog about just going thru each day still smoking. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Where to go from here? 

Today I am doing my second pool session for scuba certification. I already took the the test Wed, got a 92. Top of my class. Out of four. Tomorrow is the first open water. We're going to the Gulf. I should be real excited. This is something I've wanted to do for decades. Now I'm doing it, and it seems like no big deal. I'm hoping that changes once we're in the water. 

It seems like I've reach a point in life where I have to find ways too keep my mind enthused. Nothing seems to generate excitement. Kind of like I'm just going thru the motions no matter what I do. A kind of ambivalence.