I did a very bad thing, knowing that if I did this thing, I would feel worse than if I stayed the course. After only two smokes, I don't feel so bad, as yet. I will later today, after the inevitable many. All the way to the store, I told myself' "you can turn around anytime" (I'm quite sure I was talking to myself in the second person). Alas, I didn't turn around.
When considering quitting, I think about the other toxic substances I've quit over the years. In every case except alcohol, they weren't that hard to kick in the end, 'cause I could still get drunk; I had my substitute. But even booze wasn't that bad when I finally did it. It took me five years of trying, but after I had enough, and I had all of the pieces of the puzzle, it wasn't that hard. The key was I changed my way of thinking as I put down the bottle, I didn't wait for any sense of sobriety or clarity to facilitate the process. I told myself how I wanted to start thinking, and I started thinking that way. This smoothed the way for the needed change in behavior.
I think the same thing will ultimately apply to my smoking. Wanting to quit is not enough, feeling as tho' I'm reaping the benefits as soon as I'm done with that last cigarette is the key.
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